마음 다루기, 남은 십 리 끝까지 달려가는 자세
DATE 18-04-06 00:37
글쓴이 : 어드민      

세상만사 마음먹기에 달렸다고 믿은 적이 있었다. 어떻게 생각하느냐에 따라 행복할 수도, 불행할 수도 있다고 믿었다. 흔히 예를 드는 ‘반 컵의 물’을 두고 “이것밖에 안 남았네”인지 아니면 “이만큼이나 남았네”인지 달리 생각하는 그 차이라고 믿었다. 

이런 ‘마음놀이’는 ‘불행 피하기 기술’의 저자 롤프 도벨리도 언급했다. 그는 행복을 위한 요소들을 추상적으로 추구하기보다 먼저 불행한 삶의 요소들을 제거해가면 되지 않겠냐고 발상의 전환을 요구한다. 

‘이것이 있어야 행복할텐데’라고 없는 걸 갖고 괴로워하기보다 ‘이게 없으면 더 행복하겠다’고 여겨지는 것들을 당장 없애는 게 더 빠른 행복찾기 기술이라는 이야기다. 사람과 좋은 관계를 형성해야 한다는 사회성 부족을 탓하기보다 차라리 지금 괴로운 누군가와의 관계를 정리하면 되는 것이다. 남에게 잘해주려고 하기보다 하기 싫은 것에 대해 ‘노’라고 거절할 수 있어야 행복해지는데 더 빠른 길일 수도 있다. 

‘시작이 반이다’는 말도 마음먹기에 달렸다는 걸 의도한다. 실제 하기 어려운 일을 시작하면서 “이제 반만 남았다”고 자위하던 적이 얼마나 많았던가. 물론 그런 마음가짐이 다행히 일을 끝마치는 성취로 이어진 적도 적지 않았다. 그런데 이와 반대의 마음가짐도 못지않게 중요하다. 시경의 “백 리를 가는 사람은 구십 리를 절반으로 여겨라”는 충고가 그렇다. 

시작도 중요하지만 마무리 역시 어렵고 중요하다는 지적이다. 모든 게 뜻대로 잘돼가는 것 같아도 막판에 삐끗하고 무너지는 일들은 다반사다. 다 된 줄 알고 낙관하고 자만하다가 예상치 않은 실수나 선택으로 큰 일을 그르치는 일들 말이다. “모두 처음은 있었지만 능히 끝이 있기는 드물었다”는 시경의 지적을 새겨볼만 하다. 다 된 것 같아도 아직 절반밖에 안 끝났다는 마음가짐이면 남은 순간마저도 최선과 정성을 다할 수 있으니 말이다. 

말년, 혹은 임기 말기에 그르치는 일들을 자주 보면서 생각나는 충고다. 이제 시작된 좋은 일에 대해서 다 이룬 것처럼 흥분하는 걸 봐도 우려된다. 예를 들면 한국이 북한과 평화 시대 도래를 기대하는 모습이 그렇다. 이제 시작단계다. 얼마나 기대했던 일인지, 평화가 다 이뤄진 것처럼 낙관하고 좋아한다. 평화라는 말이 주는 장밋빛 전망에 들떠있다. 그러나 이 문제는 들뜨기보다 끝까지 지켜봐야 한다.

사실 북한과 평화협정의 시작은 이전에 없던 게 아니었다. 매번 끝이 안좋았을 뿐이다. 전 세계적으로 평화협정이 체결되는 일도 무수히 많았다. 그런데 그 체결된 평화협정이 5년안에 무효화되는 경우가 반을 넘는다는 지적도 있다. 그만큼 어렵고 조심스런 일이라는 말이다. 마지막까지 신중하고, 또 현실을 오판하는 근거가 되지 않도록 눈을 부릅뜨고 추이를 지켜봐야 할 일인 것이다.  

최근 힌국 유명 방송인이 미투 고발로 사라졌다. 오랜 기간 뜨지 못하다가 최근에야 근면, 성실, 절약 이미지로 급부상하면서 방송 일도, 광고도 많아져 늦전성기를 맞이했었다. 그런 그가 10년전 스태프를 성추행한 게 밝혀져 그 모든 것들을 다 내려놔야 했다. 구십 리를 왔는데, 정말 죽을 힘을 다해 왔는데, 남은 십 리를 못가고 무너져버린 것이다. 

솔직히 ‘마음먹기’는 마음대로 되지 않는다. 그게 되면 세상사 뭐가 힘들겠는가. 인간에게 가장 통제가 힘든 건 마음이라는 말이 그래서 나왔을 것이다. 황동규 시인이 “게처럼 꽉 물고 놓지 않으려는 마음을/ 게 발처럼 뚝뚝 끊어버리고/ 마음 없이 살고 싶다”고 노래했을 때 오죽했으면 그렇게 말했을까. 그는 “마음 비우고가 아니라/ 그냥 마음 없이 살고 싶다”고까지 말했다. 이길 수 없는 마음, 제어할 수 없는 마음, 차라리 없었다면 행복했을까. 

강연호 시인이 “마음의 서랍 그저 바라보기만 해도 힘에 겨워/ 나는 어쩔 줄 모른다 거기 뒤죽박죽의 또 한 세상”이라고 한탄한 게 남 이야기가 아니다. 

오해 받거나, 예기치 못한 공격을 받을 때 마음은 흔들리기 마련이다. 세치 혀 놀리기 좋아하는 이들은 없는 말도 잘 만들어 퍼트린다. 무시하면 된다고 마음을 다잡지만, 그러나 그 ‘마음’이 없으면 몰라도 상처나 억울함은 응어리로 남는다. 

이럴 때 “네가 뽐내지 않으면 천하가 너와 더불어 공을 다투지 않고, 네가 남을 치지 않으면 천하가 너와 다투지 않는다”는 시경의 또 다른 충고를 되새긴다. 누가 뭐라 하든 자신의 할 일만 쫓아 묵묵히 자기 갈 길을 가는 자, 마음은 그 뒤를 따라오리라.  
<이준열 뉴스코리아 부사장/편집국장>




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